You might have seen the quote, “Focus on improving yourself instead of proving yourself.” At first, improving and proving yourself may seem similar, but there are important differences. Both approaches can motivate change, but they lead to different results and have distinct motivations.
When you are focused on and driven by proving yourself, you are making the changes for others. You are doing those actions in search of external approval and validation. You are handing over the power of accomplishment to someone else, and thus, it is a never-ending race. Because every time you earn approval and validation, the finish line moves. If you have ever tried to change yourself for someone else (I am guilty here), you know this to be true. You can change your hair, the way you dress, the music you listen to, but there will always be something else they want to change about you. The finish line will keep moving farther and farther away.
When you are focused on and driven by improving yourself, you are making changes for yourself. You are doing those actions in search of inner peace and a happier version of yourself. You are reclaiming and gaining power by pouring into yourself. Improving yourself doesn’t have a finish line; as long as you are breathing, you are constantly evolving and achieving. This is very similar to what psychologists call a growth mindset. It is the idea of constantly seeing your abilities as expandable.
Proving yourself is measured by external metrics. This may look like constantly checking for new followers, measuring your worth by your degrees, income, or grades, etc. Whereas improving yourself can look however you choose. It is based on your own personal standards of peace, happiness, growth, self-trust, etc.
If you are unsure which one you do currently, here are some signs of each:
Signs that you are focused on proving yourself:
- You are constantly comparing yourself to others.
- You struggle to celebrate others’ accomplishments.
- You wait for other people to celebrate you, or for them to tell you it is okay to celebrate yourself.
- You feel shame and like a failure when you make a mistake.
- You take action out of spite towards others.
- You feel jealous, behind, or ashamed when someone else hits a milestone before you.
Signs that you are focused on improving yourself:
- You measure your growth by comparing yourself to your past self instead of to others.
- You are patient with yourself and trusting in the timing of your personal journey.
- Other people’s success doesn’t affect how you feel about yourself.
- You celebrate your own progress.
- You understand that mistakes are part of who you are and are gentle with yourself as you learn.
- You take action out of love and a desire for more for yourself.
So how do you shift from the “proving yourself” mindset to the “improving yourself” mindset?
- Firstly, remember that you do not need to prove to anyone that you are good enough. You are inherently worthy of all the good the world has to offer.
- Second, remember you are on your own timeline, and just because someone got a better mark than you or a promotion before you doesn’t mean you won’t ever be a straight-A student or get a promotion. It just means your journey to getting there is different from theirs, and that is okay.
- Third, reframe how you talk to yourself and define accomplishment. Instead of asking yourself, “Did they see that? Did they clap for me? Do they think I am smart, good, fast, worthy, etc?” Ask yourself, “Did I grow? Did I have fun? Did I try my best? Did I learn?”
- Finally, allow yourself to participate in life instead of always performing. You are an active member of society, and that means you have a right to live through the messy parts of it. You do not have to put on a show for anyone. It is okay to be your growing, healing, evolving self.
Try it out and let me know how it goes! Let’s keep growing together – Follow me on social media and subscribe!
Until Next Week, My Friends!
P.S. I’m proud of you 😉